Restless Soul Syndrome?
Unfiltered thoughts, April 2018:
I sometimes reminisce about the "stable," stationary, single-vision person I used to be. I fell in love working at an incredible children's hospital before I graduated nursing school, and decided I had to work there after graduation. So I did. I wanted to learn as much as I could, train newer nurses, and become a competent bedside ICU nurse. Check. I wanted to do short term overseas nursing volunteering. Once a year while a staff nurse, did it. I wanted my (now former) long-term relationship to work out, and built my personal life decisions around that.
A stationary career with a little traveling and volunteering mixed in - I had it all. Then a I had a nagging feeling that once I was aware of, I couldn't ignore. It first felt like an uneasiness, like something wasn't quite right. Then a feeling of dissatisfaction - living back in the suburbs, not being in love with my cushy, Monday-Friday job. Eventually it evolved into desperation, like I had to change something before everything fell apart - my sanity, I guess. This led me to travel nursing.
My life is now set-up with options, and I do like the freedom and flexibility that comes with that. It's also incidentally how my mind now works. I look at something and see how many different ways I can make it work, and question whether I really need to do something at all or not. The more options you open yourself up to, potentially the more decisions you have to make. Which feels overwhelming to me this week because I'm trying to figure out the logistics of plans A, B, C and decicde which I like best all while trying not to feel panicked about being back in the northeast. Cue being jealous of my former single-vision, stationary self. I guess this is something people may not understand why this is actually an issue, and I make myself feel badly about that. But then I think about people who marvel at my ability to travel solo, change jobs every three months, and drive across country multiple times.
I sometimes reminisce about the "stable," stationary, single-vision person I used to be. I fell in love working at an incredible children's hospital before I graduated nursing school, and decided I had to work there after graduation. So I did. I wanted to learn as much as I could, train newer nurses, and become a competent bedside ICU nurse. Check. I wanted to do short term overseas nursing volunteering. Once a year while a staff nurse, did it. I wanted my (now former) long-term relationship to work out, and built my personal life decisions around that.
A stationary career with a little traveling and volunteering mixed in - I had it all. Then a I had a nagging feeling that once I was aware of, I couldn't ignore. It first felt like an uneasiness, like something wasn't quite right. Then a feeling of dissatisfaction - living back in the suburbs, not being in love with my cushy, Monday-Friday job. Eventually it evolved into desperation, like I had to change something before everything fell apart - my sanity, I guess. This led me to travel nursing.
My life is now set-up with options, and I do like the freedom and flexibility that comes with that. It's also incidentally how my mind now works. I look at something and see how many different ways I can make it work, and question whether I really need to do something at all or not. The more options you open yourself up to, potentially the more decisions you have to make. Which feels overwhelming to me this week because I'm trying to figure out the logistics of plans A, B, C and decicde which I like best all while trying not to feel panicked about being back in the northeast. Cue being jealous of my former single-vision, stationary self. I guess this is something people may not understand why this is actually an issue, and I make myself feel badly about that. But then I think about people who marvel at my ability to travel solo, change jobs every three months, and drive across country multiple times.
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