Six weeks of thinking
When someone you love dies, are you ever satisfied with the amount of time you spent with them or the last words you said to them? Is there such a thing as "enough" time or I love you's?
My grandfather, Papa-T, unexpectedly passed away last month, so I've spent the last six weeks thinking about these questions. I spoke to he and my grandmother a few days before he died. I'm now so thankful for that phone call... But found myself thinking I never saw or spoke to him enough. This led to a serious case of traveler's guilt. Why do I feel the need to travel far from home and for long periods of time, when the majority of my family and friends are completely content living stationary, yet equally fulfilling lives? I've never been normal in most aspects, but couldn't I be, just in this one area?!
I tell my sister that I wish I could just put her in my pocket and bring her everywhere with me; and I mean it with all of my heart. Since the death of my Grams last year and Papa-T last month, I now want to collect everyone I love, stick them in my pockets, and keep them there forever.
But I guess that's not really the solution, either. 1) I actually now have a butt, thanks to CrossFit, so there isn't much room in my back pockets, and 2) not everyone else wants to pick up and move every 3 months; so I'd have them with me, albeit miserable.
How do you balance the pursuit of your own life with the people you've left at home? I've got the work/life balance thing (mostly) figured out. But the "loved ones/travel" balance is where I feel, well, imbalanced.
I've been putting off this post in hopes that I would've come to a prolific answer. I didn't. I have, however, decided that I don't think I'll ever feel that "enough" is a real thing when it comes to people you love. There isn't a magic number of phone calls or hours spent together that will assuage the grief of loss. To put it the politest way possible, death sucks.
Papa-T was an incredibly hard-working, intelligent, and loving man. I don't have him anymore, but I do have my dad, who, at his core, embodies Papa-T in the best possible ways. So, Papa-T, thank you for being a role model for us all, and thank you for my dad. My life would be incomplete without either.
My grandfather, Papa-T, unexpectedly passed away last month, so I've spent the last six weeks thinking about these questions. I spoke to he and my grandmother a few days before he died. I'm now so thankful for that phone call... But found myself thinking I never saw or spoke to him enough. This led to a serious case of traveler's guilt. Why do I feel the need to travel far from home and for long periods of time, when the majority of my family and friends are completely content living stationary, yet equally fulfilling lives? I've never been normal in most aspects, but couldn't I be, just in this one area?!
I tell my sister that I wish I could just put her in my pocket and bring her everywhere with me; and I mean it with all of my heart. Since the death of my Grams last year and Papa-T last month, I now want to collect everyone I love, stick them in my pockets, and keep them there forever.
But I guess that's not really the solution, either. 1) I actually now have a butt, thanks to CrossFit, so there isn't much room in my back pockets, and 2) not everyone else wants to pick up and move every 3 months; so I'd have them with me, albeit miserable.
How do you balance the pursuit of your own life with the people you've left at home? I've got the work/life balance thing (mostly) figured out. But the "loved ones/travel" balance is where I feel, well, imbalanced.
I've been putting off this post in hopes that I would've come to a prolific answer. I didn't. I have, however, decided that I don't think I'll ever feel that "enough" is a real thing when it comes to people you love. There isn't a magic number of phone calls or hours spent together that will assuage the grief of loss. To put it the politest way possible, death sucks.
Papa-T was an incredibly hard-working, intelligent, and loving man. I don't have him anymore, but I do have my dad, who, at his core, embodies Papa-T in the best possible ways. So, Papa-T, thank you for being a role model for us all, and thank you for my dad. My life would be incomplete without either.
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