These Are My Confessions
Yes, that was an Usher reference.
No, these confessions are not juicy as his. But to me, they're big.
I've been MIA because I've felt a little lost over the last three months (which I know sounds ironic coming from someone who up until last month, hadn't had her own stationary address in over three years). To sum up the logistics: I left California at the end of April, embarked on a two week coast-to-coast road trip, celebrated my 30th birthday with my family in Jersey, started a contract nursing job in Tampa, and signed a year-long apartment lease. To sum up the emotions: one huge roller coaster.
I wanted to have my feelings about all of that and my future plans all wrapped up in a pretty blog post with a definite resolution. I love helping people figure out life but often I don't like needing the help myself. As my mom pointed out over the weekend, it's okay to admit to not to having all the answers. It's part of the process and meant to be shared.
Things I'm still struggling with:
1. Missing my grandparents.
2. Leaving a place that I loved.
3. Learning Spanish.
Things I figured out:
1. I want to achieve financial independence.
3. I want to be my own boss.
4. I'm going to build/mostly build a tiny house on wheels.
Things I haven't figured out:
1. How I'm going to earn an income being my own boss.
2. How to defy the laws of time and space so that I can live on the west coast AND see my friends and family everyday.
3. How to finally grow out of acne.
Things I'm scared of:
1. Having a boss for the rest of my life if I don't figure out how to be my own.
2. Florida bugs... and how they make it into my apartment.
3. That I'll never feel like I've spent enough time with the people I love.
Some days I feel like a badass goal digger, others I feel like a hot (and humid) mess. It took wise words from some good friends, my girlfriend, and parents to remind me that that's okay.
Creating the life I want is hard work and sometimes leaves me doubting myself and questioning my choices. One thing I do know for sure though is the suffocation of settling is far worse than the growing pains of change.
No, these confessions are not juicy as his. But to me, they're big.
I've been MIA because I've felt a little lost over the last three months (which I know sounds ironic coming from someone who up until last month, hadn't had her own stationary address in over three years). To sum up the logistics: I left California at the end of April, embarked on a two week coast-to-coast road trip, celebrated my 30th birthday with my family in Jersey, started a contract nursing job in Tampa, and signed a year-long apartment lease. To sum up the emotions: one huge roller coaster.
I wanted to have my feelings about all of that and my future plans all wrapped up in a pretty blog post with a definite resolution. I love helping people figure out life but often I don't like needing the help myself. As my mom pointed out over the weekend, it's okay to admit to not to having all the answers. It's part of the process and meant to be shared.
Things I'm still struggling with:
1. Missing my grandparents.
2. Leaving a place that I loved.
3. Learning Spanish.
Things I figured out:
1. I want to achieve financial independence.
3. I want to be my own boss.
4. I'm going to build/mostly build a tiny house on wheels.
Things I haven't figured out:
1. How I'm going to earn an income being my own boss.
2. How to defy the laws of time and space so that I can live on the west coast AND see my friends and family everyday.
3. How to finally grow out of acne.
Things I'm scared of:
1. Having a boss for the rest of my life if I don't figure out how to be my own.
2. Florida bugs... and how they make it into my apartment.
3. That I'll never feel like I've spent enough time with the people I love.
Some days I feel like a badass goal digger, others I feel like a hot (and humid) mess. It took wise words from some good friends, my girlfriend, and parents to remind me that that's okay.
Creating the life I want is hard work and sometimes leaves me doubting myself and questioning my choices. One thing I do know for sure though is the suffocation of settling is far worse than the growing pains of change.
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